I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
