Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
