So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
