So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
