I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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