my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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