every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
