Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
