He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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