Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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