Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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