He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you inspire me to be a worse person
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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