I wish I could teleport
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
