Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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