So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
