Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
