put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
