Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
