I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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