Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
