.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
