i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
