Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Mom said you looked used
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
