i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
