bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
