i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
