about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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