I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
