I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
