Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
