Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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