No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
