i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
two words...techno handjob
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
