Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
