we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
