Soap is not a condiment
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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