I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
