I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
