Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
