Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
