So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
