He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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