I wannas sexs uuuuu
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
