Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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