a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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