I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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