Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Randomize
