3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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