just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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