Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
