i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
