I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
