More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
