so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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