I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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