We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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